Is it more than just distinctly average rejection?
I’m not new to rejection unfortunately but rejection isn’t unique to me either. We all experience it and it is always painful, but rejection can hurt some of us more than others.
Clearly the cookies were listening during one of my usual post work-week Saturday morning rants when an article about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) popped up on my LinkedIn feed. It caught my interest.
According to WebMD, while RSD is not an official diagnosis, people with RSD are likely to:
- Be strong people-pleasers
- Feel more embarrassed or self-conscious
- Have low self-esteem and self-doubt
- Display sudden outbursts of physical emotions like anger, tears, and sadness
- Engage in negative self-talk
- Have difficulty managing their reactions
- Find it draining to manage relationships
- Suddenly become quiet, moody, or show signs of depression or anxious feelings
In some cases, the fear of disapproval or rejection from others could cause you to avoid certain tasks and responsibilities or withdraw from social interaction.
On the other hand, you might try to achieve perfection to avoid any chances of failure in the first place. This could take a toll on your overall quality of life.
This is me. I’m gonna be honest, I am a fan of a cheeky self-diagnosis, but this is actually me. Also, this explains a lot of the feelings I had leading up to quitting my job recently. Yes I was bored by my job, but I’ve been bored by every job.
That wasn’t why I handed in my notice. Was the straw that broke the camel’s back actually a condition that caused such severe emotional pain from perceived rejection (not necessarily actual rejection) that I needed to put myself out of my misery by getting out of the fire and quitting my job? It’s possible. But why now?
I’m not new to rejection and I’m not new to failure but I’m not new to quitting my job either. The concept of working myself to exhaustion, self-doubt and difficult working relationships has been a common theme in reasons for quitting my job. So why does this keep happening?
The link between ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
William W. Dodson, MD claims RSD is an often-overlooked part of adult ADHD. The ADHD Centre describes the following three defining features that explain every single aspect of the illness:
- Interest-based nervous system – When a person with ADHD is very much interested in a particular task or activity, they tend to develop intense concentration on it. Along with hyperfocus, they also tend to produce an intense feeling of wanting to accomplish what they are doing. The amount of focus can be so extraordinary that it results in a loss of awareness of time and other outside factors. ADHD doesn’t involve having a “deficit” with attention. Instead, it causes an “irregular” flow of attention, where the mind is only active under certain circumstances.
- Emotional hyperarousal – People that are diagnosed with ADHD have very intense and passionate emotions. Their feelings tend to be more severe than the average person. The sense of happiness and criticism is more intense and powerful for these people compared to the average ones.
- Rejection sensitivity – People with ADHD are also super sensitive. This is because an ADHD patient also has a disorder called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). This mental disorder is an intense sensitivity to the impression of being rejected, harassed, or criticised. Keep in mind that it isn’t necessarily the reality; instead, it’s how these people feel about themselves. RSD causes severe emotional pain that is also present once the person senses failure, or not being able to finish a task on time. It is also triggered once a person fails to reach either their own standards or the expectations of others.
I do not have an ADHD diagnosis but it has given me some food for thought lately. Whilst I have had difficulty regulating my attention my whole life and present many of the common symptoms of ADHD above, I have never presented hyperactivity or the impulsive (mis)behaviour often associated with ADHD. I have found ways to overcome attention regulation difficulties and achieve some, albeit distinctly average, accomplishments. I have never sought a diagnosis, but if I was diagnosed with ADHD, it would make sense that I might also have RSD. So how do you address the symptoms of RSD?
Managing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
The benefits of rejection sensitivity as a primal instinct make sense. Acceptance by and belonging to a tribe would have been an advantage for us during a time when predators and starvation were a threat to our survival. But what advantage is it to us now? Is rejection sensitivity and all the obsessive negative self-talk that goes with it a burden that we now just have to bear? For me, that’s the price I pay for being able to feel things deeply. Feeling deeply also enables me to connect to some people in special ways, my children in particular. For that reason I wouldn’t have it any other way. There are some tools available for those of us that are rejection sensitive to manage the pain of rejection.
- Journaling helps.
- Telling yourself you are enough, and that you are worthy of self-compassion, helps.
- You are a perfectly imperfect human being just like everyone else.
ADDitude Magazine has some great resources for adults with ADHD including tips on practising self-compassion, which is just as applicable to distinctly average individuals as it is for those with an ADHD diagnosis and for those with RSD.
If you have experienced rejection sensitivity and/or have founds some good tools to combat the negative symptoms of RSD, please feel free to leave a comment below.
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Take care.
