I have noticed a few things about my own motivation while reading Hidden Potential by Adam Grant.

Perfectionism

• I am a perfectionist. Despite not being particularly exceptional, I always measure myself against impossibly high standards, which means I am never truly satisfied with my work performance. My perfectionism provides strong motivation and is great for productivity but it is only temporarily effective and ultimately leads to incessant self-criticism, paranoia, anxiety and persistent over-work. It happens in every single job I do and every non-work project I undertake. It is crippling and exhausting.

Lost motivation

• My motivation to work has gone. I hope this isn’t permanent but it is certainly my current state of being. I have spent endless hours job-searching and nothing interests me. There is no job, paid or unpaid, that I feel motivated to do, other than take care of my children. This is a very new and surprising feeling for me, but I’m listening to it. Perhaps there is something I find inherently satisfying about taking care of and playing with my children. I love my children unconditionally. That unconditional love is reciprocated. I care about their future. I missed them terribly when I was working myself to exhaustion in my job and I cherish every minute I spend with them now.

Interest is critical

• Being interested in what I do has now become a critical factor in whether or not I engage in an activity. It is the single most important factor at the moment. In Hidden Potential, Adam Grant speaks about ‘bore-out’. I had never heard this term before but it immediately resonated with me. By not taking rest from my job when I knew I needed to, I bored myself to death with it. It became monotonous. I bored myself with my job so much that the very idea of doing anything boring now is utterly repugnant. Chores need to get done, granted. Anything outside of that – I am not engaging with it.

For now, thankfully, I have the freedom to follow my gut instincts and my interests. According to Adam Grant this is the well-spring of intrinsic motivation. There is no pay increment or bonus that is needed to keep me motivated when I’m interested in something. The satisfaction of doing something that interests me is enough. Adam Grant explores intrinsic motivation in his book and in his interview with Dr Andrew Huberman which you can watch here.

Oasis

I’m also now listening to my body and allowing myself to rest when I need it. I gave myself permission to take a break from writing my blog over Christmas and New Year because spending quality time and brain power on my family during that period was more important. I know this goes against the idea of consistency being key to progress but I’m starting to rebel against restrictive systems that interfere with my well-being. Writing was meant to be an oasis for me and not a prison. I want to write when I have the inspiration to do so and not churn out a piece of rubbish just because it’s good discipline to stick to a schedule.

Sponge

Right now I’m going to be what Adam Grant calls a ‘sponge’. I am tearing through books at the moment because I love reading and I wasn’t able to read anywhere near as much as I wanted to when I was working. I learn so much when I read, about myself and other people, and my gut is telling me this is what I need to be doing right now – listening, learning and filtering out the crap.

Wellness Wednesday

In keeping with fiercely defending my wellness, this week I’m starting Wellness Wednesday after school with my children. We’re going to do yoga, meditation, gratitude snowmen and other activities that promote good mental health and emotional regulation. These things are important for them and for me. How do you defend your wellness? Let me know in the comments below.

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Take care.