I noticed today a contentment that I haven’t felt in a very long time. Alarmingly though, as soon as I remembered the last time I felt this, I had an immediate feeling of dread. I know something is going to come along and burst my bubble and it’s going to hurt. But you know what? This time is going to be different. I’ve learned a few things since then about the highs and lows of the soap opera of life. Happiness is fleeting. This time I’m building resilience.
The bubble burst
It was an oddly ordinary evening. I had just finished the dinner, ready to juggle the tidying, the washing, the hundred and one questions you get from your kids about life, the world and everything, when a wash of contentment came over me. I noticed I was happy. I haven’t said those words in I don’t know how long now, and it should be a good thing. So why am I worried?
Have you ever felt that if you even dare to acknowledge the tiniest shred of happiness that something always seems to happen to bring you back to earth? Like somehow you are able to jinx your happiness simply by acknowledging it?
When my youngest was born after years of trying, I was standing in the bathroom one day and I felt that same wash of contentment. It made me smile. And then came the dread. Much like when you dare to mention it hasn’t rained for a while, and then it does, I knew something was coming. A few weeks later my dad died from Covid.
The two events are obviously unrelated. There is no rationality to linking the two, other than a fundamental belief that happiness is fleeting.
When I was drowning in grief for the loss of my dad, Mo Gawdat’s Solve for Happy was a lifeline. Immersing myself in his book was not only a helpful distraction, but it fundamentally changed my perspective on how much control I have over my own thoughts and my own happiness. It even changed my perspective on the meaning of life! It was a lovely gift from my husband at a time when I needed it the most. If you’ve suffered from the loss of a loved one, I highly recommend reading Mo Gawdat’s Solve for Happy.
Relentless pursuit of happiness
My relentless pursuit of happiness was born. Leaving my job to explore making money from following my interests was the natural next step (see my blog post on The Great Resignation).
It appears that despite my well-established accountancy career now being in freefall and despite having absolutely no idea how successful I will be at making money from my blog and selling positivity tees (check out my SHOP) or any other hustle I might experiment with over the next few months until my F. U. money runs out, I’m the happiest I’ve been for ages. Side note – if you haven’t heard of F.U. money this vid explains it – F.U. money is a game changer!
