I remember when I was nearing the end of my A-levels when I first heard the term ‘Gap Year’. To me this was something only available to posh kids who didn’t ever have to worry about earning a living, or worry about putting in the effort to be good at something in order to earn a living or worry about making an effort to do anything whatsoever in order to be successful in life. To me a Gap Year was for kids born into money. I wasn’t poor by any means but I didn’t have that level of privilege.

How will I spend my Gap Year?

The idea of a Gap Year has intrigued me lately though. Not necessarily the travelling part, but the opportunity to discover yourself, who you are, what you love and your purpose. I think it was Oprah Winfrey that said we are all citizens of the earth and we all have a duty to serve. I want to serve, I just don’t know in what way I am supposed to be doing it.

I’m not saying my life should be easy, but I don’t think it has to be hard. I am fortunate to have been raised in an environment that has allowed me reasonable access to opportunities available to those who put the work in. I am aware of that privilege. I have not squandered it. I love working hard. I love losing myself in work that interests me. I have also learned that pouring that same energy into work that does not interest me takes a toll on my mental health.

Develop the skill of delayed gratification

As I’m reading Atomic Habits by James Clear I am learning that it is important to pay attention to whether you value the long-term output of your efforts. It is also apparent that the skill of delayed gratification is absolutely crucial in being able to continue with your efforts. Even with this skill though, if at any point you learn that your continued efforts will not, or even may not, yield the results that you seek, your mind will get the message that continued effort in the same direction might not be in alignment with your values.

Value the output of your efforts

I value the so-called long-term output of intermittent fasting. Intermittent fasting is said to slow down aging, improve the immune system, mental clarity and emotional regulation and help moderate your weight and general metabolic health. I have, however, been finding it difficult to get back into a routine of intermittent fasting this year. Feeling empty and hungry is uncomfortable for me, particularly when I don’t have work to busy my mind.

The pain of the discomfort I think I will feel in the short term in my mind outweighs the long term benefit I think I will feel in the long term. I have no evidence of these positive effects in my own experience and I don’t know anyone who has practised intermittent fasting long term (other than the YouTube gurus that profess about the benefits) to see with my own eyes that these benefits will materialise. Even while fasting for 36 hours at a time several times a week my weight loss started to plateau. And it definitely wasn’t helping with my emotional regulation. The pain of fasting was not yielding the results it was advertising.

So what now? Do I just give up? What will happen if I give up and give in?

Emotional processing

As I was on my morning walk today (a habit I have adopted since leaving my job that has actually stuck) I realised that a lot of the time I feel like I’m swimming against a tide of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. It could be dissatisfaction with anything, but it is always there. I have learned a number of coping mechanisms, including meditation, breath work and emotional processing which have all helped, but it seems that the moment I lose focus I’m spiralling again. I decided today not to swim against the tide. I investigated my thoughts. The tide is the thought that I am not good enough. I learned it when I was young and it is still there now. It is strong and ever-present. One of the things I learned from emotional processing is acceptance.

Today I decided to accept the thought that I am not good enough, instead of resisting it and swimming against the tide. The thought is there. So now what? Once I accepted it and stopped fighting it, it stopped overpowering me. I can exist, and better still prosper, while living with the thought I am not good enough. In my head, it is possible to be both excellent and not good enough, so I am running with that.

If you’d like to learn more about emotional processing, there is an excellent free course available on Emma Macadam‘s YouTube channel Therapy in a nutshell. I have watched all of them.

Now I just need to discover what that thing is that I am supposed to be excellent at!

While I’m waiting for that epiphany, there are a few things I’m going to work on. James Clear writes about adopting habits that cast votes for the type of person you want to be.

Healthy habits for my Gap Year

I want to be the type of person that does intermittent fasting for health. That type of person fasts for 13-15 hours a day, 24 hours once a week and 36 hours once a month. Joining an online community of intermittent fasters will help me commit to this.

I want to be the type of person that keeps their garden tidy and pleasant to be in. That type of person weeds their garden once a week all year round, clears the dead plants in the winter, replaces them with winter-hardy ones and fills the garden with an array of colours during the summer. That type of person cares for their garden like a member of the family.

I want to be the type of person that writes every day. Today I just opened my laptop. That was the biggest hurdle. Once it’s open I’m flying.

I’m using my Gap Year to explore the things that interest me and adopt some healthy habits along the way. Are you taking some time to be selfish or trying to change your habits? Leave a comment or get in touch. I’d love to hear how you’re getting on.

If you liked this blog post, check out my other blog posts here

Take care.